Ephesians 5:21-33
Q.1. What is the place for submission in marriage, for the husband and wife? Who is the supreme example of submission and headship? – (Eph.5:21-23)
Paul provided us with the clearest authority structure for a marriage. The submission of the wife to the husband ensures that, where disagreements cannot be resolved, the woman will allow the husband to lead, as the head. In practice, agreement can usually be brokered without resorting to such authority. However, the foundation for all submission in every relationship is summed up in this command – 21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ (Eph.5:21). In other words, all of our relationships, including in marriage, require mutual submission to one another, out of our regard for Christ as Head over all things. What do Biblical headship and submission look like? The wife is to submit to her husband – as to the Lord (Eph.5:22). The husband is to exercise his headship, as Christ is Head of the church. The Lord does not force His will on the church, but rather is – the Saviour of the body (Eph.5:23). Selfish headship is therefore not allowed. With a heart like that of Christ’s, the husband must always make decisions with the best interests of his wife in mind. The women’s liberation movement has to a large degree resulted from the misapplied understanding of male headship. Women will not complain, where Biblical headship is exercised. Couples will be blessed, when together they have robust discussion and prayer, seeking to determine God’s will … where the husband acts with a heart of love for his wife, and where if needed, the wife will submit to her husband, in order to maintain the harmony of the marriage.
Q.2. What does it mean for a husband to love his wife? What does this love look like? – (Eph.5:24-31)
The use of the word ‘love’ in the English language is applied to almost everything. However, the Greek words translated as love, are much more definitive in describing everything from family love, sexual love, lust, and self-giving love. Paul required the last of these descriptions (AGAPE), to be applied by the husband in marriage (Eph.5:25, 28, 33). Just as submission by the wife should take the husband’s concerns into consideration … so should a husband’s love take the wife’s concerns into consideration (c.f. 1 Cor.7:3-4). Christ is the model for both the husband and his wife. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph.5:25). The man’s love must be sacrificial, and not self-serving. He is to take responsibility for his wife’s welfare and spiritual growth, even as the Lord does for His church. (Eph.5:26-29). Paul reminded his readers of God’s original plan for the marriage of Adam and Eve. That was to model the oneness of the Godhead (Eph.5:30). He reinforced the necessity for the man to leave his father and mother, in deference to his wife (Eph.5:31).
Q.3. How are we to apply the model of Christ’s relationship with the church to marriage? – (Eph.5:32-33)
Paul unfolded a mystery – all he was teaching about marriage is modelled on the relationship between Christ and the Church – This mystery is great: but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church (Eph.5:32). He applied the need for the husband to love his wife, and for the wife to respect (literally ‘fear’) her husband (Eph.5:33). These two qualities work together: A lack of love by the husband will undermine his wife’s respect for him. A lack of respect by the wife will undermine his ability to love her. The more the husband expresses love to his wife – the more she will be inclined to respond with respect. The more the wife expresses respect to her husband – the more he will be inclined to respond with love. It is also true that weak or broken marriages damage the reputation of Christ and His church. Strong marriages and families enhance the reputation of Christ and His church in the world (c.f. Eph.5:32).